You're a Good Man Charlie Brown

In the 3^rd grade I loved music class. Once or twice a week my wiggly com padres and I would be lined up and marched down the hall to a room filled with tambourines, bongos, and recorders. It was one of my favorite times of the school day, when we would sing and clap and dance. One of the songs that our teacher taught us was a song from a Charlie Brown special called Happiness Is…

I loved that song. I sang it all the time. I identified completely with Charlie Brown. Honestly, there was a kid who called me Charlie Brown for years because I had a “big head”. I was awkward, bigger and stronger than most of the others including the boys. This made me self-conscious and I felt like an outsider.  I was constantly sticking my foot in my mouth and was terribly insecure. I found that the one way I could relate to other people was by telling them funny stories. Made up stories, real stories, anything I could think of that would get a laugh.

As a teen this morphed into sarcasm. I was still making people laugh so they would accept me and it allowed my pessimistic outlook on life to peek through as well. It was the best of both worlds. My pessimism came from a turbulent childhood; I didn’t believe the future would hold much happiness because up to that point the past hadn’t shown me much of it. I believed that life was unfair and you couldn’t control that, might as well just become cynical and accepting of the fact that you were going to be miserable.

And yet, somewhere deep down my soul was still singing. “Happiness is finding a pencil, pizza with sausage, telling the time.” Simple things made me happy even though I didn’t want to admit it. Despite all of my self-loathing and quivering insecurities there was a fire burning somewhere down deep that kept telling me that the elusive happiness I had given up on was all around me if I could just open my eyes.

Once out from under the rules of my parents’ house my pent up rebellion and pessimism exploded onto the scene. God obviously didn’t care about me and I was going to do anything I wanted. Living the commandments had not fixed my life. They hadn’t made my problems disappear; trying hard to follow the Gospel had not made people stop acting in hurtful ways and so I decided to try to find happiness elsewhere.

Elsewhere included all kinds of idiotic behaviors and temporarily it numbed all the thoughts and feelings I had been trying to get away from for so long. But it didn’t last. I soon found myself in a black hole of miasmic night. All the light had gone out of my life and I was truly wretched. It was so dark and desperate that there were times I felt it would be easier to just not exist anymore.

One night when I felt like I was being consumed by the darkness my mind caught hold of a thought. “It doesn’t have to be this way. You are not alone.”

That flash of hope started me on a path that led to a loving bishop’s office. That bishop helped me to begin a very long and trying repentance process. It took years of trying, faltering, and trying again to get me back to where I knew I was where God wanted me to be. 

As arduous as that path was, and as many times as I fell down, I slowly came to realize that the Savior really did love me. I found that after each struggle I could look back and see that He had been patiently helping me along and that I was a bit stronger. He had not made it easy but He had made it possible. And He had helped me to see His love expressed in a rainbow, or a good friend, in silly things my kids said, relationships with my family, words of the scriptures, in the lyrics of a song, and everywhere I looked if I had my eyes open.  

Life is still difficult. There have been moments that brought me spiritually and literally to my knees. There has been pain and stress and from time to time wavering on my part. The difference between now and my early life is that as I live the commandments the best I can and keep trying to improve; I have a peace inside and know that eventually all will be well. I have also learned to recognize the love that is all around me, even when things are as bad as they can get. I really can find happiness and comfort in something as simple as “a warm blanket”.

I think that part of the Savior’s plea for us to become “like a little child” may in part be asking us to seek for the ability see His love in little achievements and everyday wonders. Flowers on the side of the road, a hug from a five year old, a good joke, a rain storm.

Happiness is… feeling God’s love for us. That is what makes this messy, difficult life bearable. People will fail us, problems will come, we will be hurt, and lonely, and scared but please know that God is there and He is telling you He loves you in a million ways. Just open your eyes.

Cheers,

Brenda

  

P.S. After reading this a day later I realize that I made my childhood sound like a dour, terrible experience and that is not totally accurate. Although some of it was no picnic I was blessed wonderful and loving people who were a major influence on me for good. My mother who was unflinchingly faithful in the face of overwhelming adversity, my dad who by the end of his life was a shining example of the transformation that can take place in a person when they take hold of the atonement and allow it to work in their life, and many others.

I know for a fact that the experiences of my life and the people in it have made me who I am today and I'm grateful for it and wouldn't trade it with anyone.

If Ye Love Me Keep My Chore Chart

As a kid I was a slob. My room usually looked like the aftermath of when an F4 tornado goes through a Piggly Wiggly.  Rock collections, books, wrappers, stuffed animals, clothes, you name it, and it was on the floor. It was dangerous to enter without climbing gear and there were times my mom would send in search and rescue teams in to find me amid the rubble. This situation although highly upsetting to my mother, didn’t even register as an issue for me. I was perfectly happy in my mess and didn’t see any logical reason to clean it up, other than the fact that there seemed to be a lot of threatenings about it issuing from my maternal parental unit. 

This lack of organization spilled into other areas of my life like school, where just about every report card had notes on it like this: “Brenda is bright; she just isn’t applying herself and isn’t prepared for class. Lots of papers seem to go missing.” Groundings would ensue and life just wasn’t very happy because of my slobbiness. 

Then sometime in early adulthood reality dawned on me; being neat and organized makes life easier. You can accomplish so much more when you aren’t always endlessly searching for things like they were buried treasure. Not only that, but once children enter the scene if you aren’t organized and have your house up to par life comes grinding to a halt for everyone. Organization is the antidote to most types of frustration.  If only my 12 year old self had known this!

Now I’m no Martha Stuart but if the house is a mess I can’t relax until it is cleaned up. To help with our busy schedule I created a chore chart that rotates the daily jobs from person to person. If it is followed the house is taken care of and stuff gets done when it is supposed to. 

 

Homework, check. 

Baths, check.

Family prayer and scripture study, check.

Dishes, dogs fed, living room straitened, check.

With everyone doing their part we operate effectively and efficiently and stress levels go down. When we don’t follow the framework things start to fall apart.

I say to the kids, “if you love me then please stick to the chore chart! If you want me a sane and happy mama, instead of a raving maniac who is overwhelmed by the enormous amount of work our family has to get done each week then please, for the love of Pete, do your chores!” 

Luckily, I have quite a wonderful family who in most cases follows the framework and views their mother’s mini-meltdowns with humor. What I had not realized was that this is exactly what the Lord is asking us to do by following the commandments. Obviously He isn’t like me but what He has done is set up a way for the human family to work efficiently and effectively in a way that takes care of everyone in the best possible way. It allows for growth and love, and it allows for tremendous amounts of work to get done without burying anyone. In the same way that I set up a chore chart for my family to reduce stress, conflict, and help us move forward, He has done the same thing only in a much more perfect form. 

Think of what the world would be like if everyone followed the Ten Commandments. Families would be happy, war would not exist, people would take care of one another, and trust would abound. It would be an absolute paradise.  Then add the Sermon on the Mount and latter-day revelation about the plan of salvation. That is what heaven is. It’s just family working together, following the chart because they love the Lord and He loves them. 

That’s it. 

“If ye love me keep my commandments.” It is simple and beautiful and hands down the way we will be the most productive, happy, and able to navigate the turmoil of this world. Now if I could just go back and teach the twelve-year-old me this.

Cheers,

Brenda

"The foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ can affect our life’s direction for good, if only we will apply them." -Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Of Regrets and Resolutions", Liahona and Ensign, November 2012

P.S. The main idea for this post was brazenly stolen from a phenomenal talk given by our Relief Society President last week, although I don't think she mentioned the Piggly Wiggly... I just like saying it. Try it. Piggly Wiggly. :)