Thursday, February 21, 2013

Ten Ways to Drive Your Husband Absolutely Batty

A few things to avoid if you want a sane and happy hubby, or employ should you be feeling vindictive.

1. Acting like one of the characters on your favorite TV show is real. *sobbing* “Can you believe they killed off Matthew? He was such a good maaaa-aaannn wahhhh”.

2. Forcing him to watch any movie based on a Jane Austin novel and then expecting him to speak and behave like Mr. Darcy. “What do you mean you don’t want to get up at dawn and meet me in a field so we can look deeply into each other’s eyes?!?”

He's got the crazy eyes.
3. Telling him not to waste money on flowers for your birthday/Mother’s Day/Valentine’s Day/Ground Hog’s Day and then getting mad because he didn’t. Don't do it, you will never get flowers again.

4. Saying you don’t care about something when you do. Men are not any good at mind reading. The course on reading tea leaves is not offered in man school. You need to be honest and clear. Hints are also useless.

5. Criticizing him constantly about things that make no difference. “Why do you always chew that way? Couldn’t you chew a little slower?!? Is this a chewing NASCAR race?” Let it go ladies, please.

6. Giving him the thumbs up on intimacy and then falling asleep before things get started. This will cause  him to be a major Grumpy McGrumperpants.

7. Deleting his favorite TV show from the DVR before he has a chance to watch it because it is “stupid”. He most likely feels the same about Downton Abbey and The Bachelor but leaves your programs alone.

8. Getting after him for buying junk food because he is “holding you back from being healthy” and then when he complies, making him go to the store to get you chocolate ice cream because you are “dying”.

9. Asking “does this make me look fat?” and then getting upset when he is honest. Granted most husbands have learned that if they want to live they lie about this one, but maybe those jeans really do look like doo-doo on you.

10. Griping that his hobby of shooting/writing/car repair/video gaming/origami/kite flying/skiing/bird watching is a waste of time and money. He needs an outlet that is his, you will not go bankrupt because of it and you will both be happier for it, I swear.

These are some things I know drive Buns up the wall and cause his intermittent eye twitch. When I knock it off he is a much happier compadre and in turn so am I.

What habits send your other half around the bend to crazyland and how do you avoid them?




  1. I've always wondered what causes my intermittent eye twitch. Now I know.

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  3. So true and very funny. I am guilty of some of these.

  4. So true and very funny. I am guilty of some of these.

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  6. I am constantly late. It drives Brad out of his tree. If he could, he'd be 15 minutes early to everything.
    I whine about all the hair in the drains. It's all MINE.
    I (used to) constantly ask him where he was going, what he would be doing, whom he would be with, and when he'd be back, like he was my untrustworthy teenaged son. He finally told me to stop being his mom.
    I get really sarcastic when we have an argument, and then get mad at him when he calls me on it: "You are just being mean about me being mean." Irrational, I know.
    I refuse to fold his undies. I just lump them all into one drawer and force him to pick them out and pair the bottoms with the tops.
    I "move his stuff" (i.e. put his crap away.) He tells me he can't find anything, and it's just me grasping for the power of knowing where everything is. So not true. Heh heh.
    If he critiques my driving, I pull over and get out so he can drive. It bugs him, but not so much that he refuses to drive. Or stop critiquing me.
    I could go on, but I won't. Because now I feel kinda bad about what a brat I am.

    1. The driving thing is a whole other post. I swear Buns and I have had more arguments about that in 17 years than anything else. You are not a brat, I have another post like this one about How to Drive Your Wife Up a Tree. There are two sides to every story. :)

  7. I want to read the one about how to drive your wife up the tree. I may have some things to add. I also am wondering, was it written from your point of view or Buns'? Just curious. And I wanted to tell you, I am cackling hysterically because I saw that "twit" was one of your links over there in the Cloud of Awesomeness.

    1. That one is still in the early production phase so ideas are welcome. I haven't quite figured out the point of view on it since I don't want to be my usual self-righteous sanctimonious meanie head. Husbands do take so much guff these days.


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