Pointing Fingers

Immediately following Elizabeth Smart’s remarks at a John’s Hopkins human trafficking forum on Wednesday May 1, the internet erupted in criticism of the Church and it’s instruction on virtue and chastity. In a way that ignored the premise of her comments, accusations filled the blogosphere that teaching abstinence before marriage is damaging to women who have been the victims of sexual assault . 

 Jay Evensen, Associate Editor of the Deseret News editorial page responded.

“Two issues are at stake here. One is consensual premarital sex, particularly as engaged in by teenagers (Smart was 14 when she was abducted). The other, more relevant one has to do with rape, sexual coercion and its relationship to chastity and the worth of a soul. Don’t confuse the two.”

“The problem wasn’t the way she had been instructed about chastity, it was the lack of instruction about how rape is a crime of violence and not a reflection in any sense on the victim. It was, as she said, a lack of training that it is OK to fight back and that no one can steal your self-worth.”

Well then, why didn’t the Church instruct her properly? Why didn’t the Church make sure she knew these things so that when she heard an unfortunate object lesson about chewing gum she was able to sort the truth from error?

This was my knee-jerk reaction to the articles I read and then I began to do a little research. Here are just three examples of an overwhelmingly consistent message.

 


From lds.org under the topic of abuse:

“Victims of abuse should be assured that they are not to blame for the harmful behavior of others. They do not need to feel guilt. If they have been a victim of rape or other sexual abuse, whether they have been abused by an acquaintance, a stranger, or even a family member, victims of sexual abuse are not guilty of sexual sin.”

For the Strength of Youth:

“Victims of sexual abuse are not guilty of sin and do not need to repent. If you have been a victim of abuse, know that you are innocent and that God loves you. Talk to your parents or another trusted adult, and seek your bishop’s counsel immediately. They can support you spiritually and assist you in getting the protection and help you need. The process of healing may take time. Trust in the Savior. He will heal you and give you peace.”

From the official leadership handbook:

“Parents have primary responsibility for the sex education of their children. Teaching this subject honestly and plainly in the home will help young people avoid serious moral transgressions. To help parents teach this sensitive and important information, the Church has published A Parent’s Guide.”

The finger I had pointed at the Church found itself turned right around and aimed directly at me.  

Why haven’t I taught my children about this subject effectively? Do I really think that my eight-year-old's Primary teacher should talk to her about sexual exploitation on Sunday? Should my teenage sons be gaining all they know on abuse from their Young Men’s leader?

Absolutely not. That is my obligation as a parent to teach my kids about these difficult and tender subjects. It is my duty to prepare them for the possibility of terrible things. We live in a darkening world where so many people are subjected to appalling situations at the hands of evil people. I cannot turn the education of my child over to the Church. That is not its purpose. God called me to that important task. I’m responsible.

Far too many well-meaning and good parents are shirking their duty in the home. It is understandable, I don’t want to even consider that something awful might happen to one of my kids and it is an uncomfortable topic to talk about. But the safety of a warm, trusting, and loving home it is the only place these lessons can be learned effectively. We are accountable to God to create that home and teach the vital lessons.

So instead of hurling stones at the Church let’s take a closer look at what is being taught or ignored in our own homes. Are we teaching our kids the truths that will protect and comfort them when the trials of their lives come up? Or are we shoving that responsibility off on someone or something else? Are we doing enough to build the loving and trusted relationships that will bring them to us in times of need?

In my case I can do better. How about you?

Cheers, 

Brenda

Personal Renovation

With the bombing of the Boston Marathon and the explosion and fire at the fertilizer plant which has devastated our neighbors in West, the news is full of suffering people. When these types of events happen, as with the trials that crop up in our own lives it is natural to ask the question "why?" Why are we called to suffer as a nation, as families, as individuals? How can a God who loves us infinitely put us through all of this? Why? Why...

"I have beheld his glory, and I am encircled about eternally in the arms of his love" (2 Nephi 1:15)

Over the years as I have searched for the full answer I came across several messages that have instructed and comforted me. I share them with you.

C.S. Lewis: 

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of—throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace.  He intends to come and live in it Himself."

"The command Be ye perfect is not idealistic gas. Nor is it a command to do the impossible. He is going to make us into creatures that can obey that command. He said (in the Bible) that we were 'gods' and He is going to make good His words. If we let Him—for we can prevent Him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (though, of course, on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful; but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said."

Orson F. Whitney:

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father”

 In all of this, let us not forget that we do not walk alone in our personal renovation. 

“He knows of our anguish, and He is there for us. Like the Good Samaritan in His parable, when He finds us wounded at the wayside, He binds up our wounds and cares for us (see Luke 10:34). Brothers and sisters, the healing power of His Atonement is for you, for us, for all.”

“Lucifer whispers that life’s not fair and that if the gospel were true, we would never have problems or disappointments. … The gospel isn’t a guarantee against tribulation. That would be like a test with no questions. Rather, the gospel is a guide for maneuvering through the challenges of life with a sense of purpose and direction.”

Comfort, perspective, and peace are found through our Savior Jesus Christ. The One who loves us perfectly and has suffered what we suffer. As we follow Him and allow our trials to transform us into what He knows we can become I know that He smiles and "encircles us in the arms of His love."

Prayers today for all those who suffer.

Cheers,

Brenda